


tussis flowers

by 00_saudade



Category: The Boyz (Korea Band)
Genre: A little bit of angst, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Hanahaki Disease, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Slow updates oops, Younghoon supremacy, i wrote this on impulse instead of homework fwejkf, im so sorry juyeon, it's a happy ending I promise, scratch that there's so much angst ohno
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-11-04
Updated: 2021-03-06
Packaged: 2021-03-08 20:47:25
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 6
Words: 15,946
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27382924
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/00_saudade/pseuds/00_saudade
Summary: At first, it was an annoying cough that would probably go away in a day or two. But after a pretty pink petal spat out of his mouth as he coughed, Juyeon wasn't so sure anymore.In which Juyeon's admiration for Hyunjae ended up blooming into something much more. Literally.
Relationships: Lee Jaehyun | Hyunjae/Lee Juyeon
Comments: 28
Kudos: 95





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> i hope you like this, first fic for tbz!!

The practice room was full of activity with the sound of all of their feet hitting the floor in unison and the ragged, heavy breathing from constant movement. Juyeon looked at himself in the mirror as he practiced the moves. In the background he could see Changmin helping Sunwoo and Eric with some of the choreography. Chanhee was chatting with Kevin and Younghoon as they got ready to practice as well.

Juyeon was so immersed in his own dancing that he didn't hear Sangyeon calling his name. “JUYEON-AH! Oh, you finally listened, I was calling your name for the past minute,” Sangyeon chuckled. Juyeon scratched the back of his neck sheepishly.

“Sorry about that hyung, so what’s up?”

“Ah, I just wanted to let you know that we’re going back to the dorm, but Hyunjae and Jacob went out to get ice cream from the convenience store down the road from here.” Sangyeon informed him as he took a swig from his drink bottle. _Hyunjae_.

The older has been a constant presence lately. One memorable memory was when Juyeon lost a game of rock paper scissors and the catch was that he had to buy snacks for the entire group.

_“FUCK YEAH! IN YOUR FACE JUYEON HYUNG! MY WALLET IS SAFE!” cheered Eric in triumph as Juyeon stood in defeat. He could feel his bank account deplete as the others whooped and yelled. The members always went all-out when getting snacks after dance practice, so with a heavy heart, Juyeon prepares to leave the practice room with a face mask, cap and a list on his phone with all the snacks the rest of the group wanted. Besides, they were running low on their snack supply._

_“I’ll go with Juyeon. Besides, I know you’ll all ask Juyeonie right here to buy a lot of snacks.” Hyunjae said as he also got out a face mask and adjusted his hat. Juyeon froze for a split second, and unfroze as he wondered why the older was also going. Wasn’t Juyeon the one who lost the game?_

_As the two exited the company building, a comfortable silence settled between them as they walked to the nearest 7/11. There weren't many people out, today so the only noise that filled the silence was the passing cars, and the light chirping from the birds that resided on top of the apartment buildings._

_"It’s nice out here, with just the two of us. Sometimes the group can be a little too loud for my ears,” commented Hyunjae as the two men walked side by side. Juyeon hummed in agreement – as much as he loved the rest of The Boyz, the noise they all make when they get all fired up can leave his ears ringing. The doors chimed as they entered, and Hyunjae made a beeline for the chips aisle. Juyeon grabbed some drinks while Hyunjae looked to be in deep thought on which chips to buy for the group._

_Juyeon was about to ask what drink he should get for himself until he caught himself looking at the older’s side profile a little too long. It was no secret that Lee Jaehyun was handsome. Juyeon knew that as he was a part of the Bermuda Triangle trio, along with Younghoon. Looking at Hyunjae, he could see why all the fans would gush about how attractive Hyunjae looked in the performances, making comments like “Hyunjae is so hot!” on Vlive. The way the older danced was captivating, and during dance practice Juyeon couldn’t help but let his eyes drift to Hyunjae dancing passionately in the mirror._

_“Juyeon.... Juyeon!” Juyeon was snapped out of his reverie by Hyunjae waving his hands in front of him. Well that was a little embarrassing, to be thinking about his hyung like that, he just admired him a lot that’s all._

_" Let’s get these snacks to the register, don’t wanna keep them waiting!” laughed Hyunjae as he gestured for Juyeon to go with him._

Thinking back to that moment, a part of him wanted to wither in shame as he followed Sangyeon back to the van. It’s normal to admire the rest of the members for their visuals and talent, so why was Juyeon getting embarrassed after Hyunjae caught him staring?

“You’ve been spacing out lately. Anything on your mind?” asked Jacob as he handed Juyeon a popsicle. He shook his head as he licked the strawberry popsicle while scrolling mindlessly on his phone. Jacob flashed him a look and gave Haknyeon an ice cream behind him.

“It’s the comeback preparation, Jacob hyung. It’s alright, don’t worry about it.” Juyeon reassured the older. The popsicle was sweet and cold, and the weather has been more on the hot side lately Thank god for Sangyeon making those two get ice cream.

“Ugh, I can’t wait to take a shower! I love summer but the humidity can fuck right off…” groaned Hyunjae as he plopped into the seat right next to Juyeon, who could only nod in agreement. Juyeon’s limbs just felt so sluggish after practicing the same moves for hours; he could go for a shoulder massage when they have a day off.

“I need a cold shower so bad, but I’ll probably have to wait in line. Perks of living with more than 5 people… I’ll just go do something while waiting...” grumbled Kevin from his seat next to Sunwoo, who looked like a zombie. Morning practices were always the worst as not all of them particularly loved mornings, though there was no going back to sleep after Eric’s alarm went off.

Juyeon couldn’t keep his eyes open; he still felt a little sleepy even after a rigorous dance practice. He slowly drifted to a light slumber as the idle chatter or bickering between the rest of the group continued on, the last thing he could feel before fully falling asleep was a hand going through his hair.

━━━━━━━

“Juyeon, wake up. We’re at the dorm.” Hyunjae whispered to him as he gently shook him awake. Juyeon blinked as he looked around the van, the rest of the members already filing out. He could hear Changmin laughing at something Eric said outside, and Chanhee scolding Sunwoo for getting a wet popsicle on him. The rest of them were probably inside the dorm.

As Juyeon stepped outside the van, his mind went into autopilot and in a blink of an eye, he was in front of his room that he shared with Younghoon. Knowing that there was a long line for the shower, Juyeon opened Twitter and decided to lurk around, seeing all the things Deobis would make in their free time. He loved seeing all the fanart they made of him and the rest of the boys, and seeing all the tweets about their performances and other content that the group made for the fans.

“Wow, Deobis are so talented!” Juyeon gushed as he scrolled past one particularly good fanart of Sunwoo — there was so much art and edits to take in. One video caught his eye, it was the fancam of Hyunjae dancing to the song ‘No Air’ in the rain. The way that the white shirt stuck to Hyunjae’s torso, his wet hair sticking to his forehead, his biceps rippling under the sheer fabric. Juyeon could feel his face heat up, thank heavens that he was only one currently in the room because he must look like a tomato right now. All thanks to one Hyunjae fancam.

Juyeon couldn’t tear his eyes away from the video. Hyunjae was just… so enchanting to watch. Hell, he could even make walking look so captivating!

“Wait...why am I even thinking like this? Hyunjae is handsome, kind, funny and talented… I just admire him for that…'' Juyeon murmured to himself. There’s no way he could feel something more for his hyung… right? Juyeon’s heart started to speed up as his eyes were glued to his phone screen. At one point in the fancam, Hyunjae beamed and laughed, probably due to the fact that they’re completely soaked in the middle of a performance.

Seeing his hyung smile so prettily made his heart flutter, if it was even possible, his cheeks probably went a deeper shade of pink. The video ends with Hyunjae in the center and the rest of The Boyz doing their ending pose, soaked with water. The moonlight shined on the man like a beacon, as if it was his own personal spotlight. Hyunjae’s hazel brown eyes were illuminated by the stage lights, and seeing the fiery passion in his eyes fade out a little as he got the cue to leave the stage. It felt like a switch was turned off and Hyunjae was now Lee Jaehyun. Juyeon’s eyes never left the damn white shirt sticking to his torso and biceps.

At this moment, Juyeon forgot that he was an idol for a second. He felt like he was just a normal fan gushing over their favourite male idol.“God, why is he so handsome?” Juyeon whispered to himself, there was a slight tickling in his throat so Juyeon got up to get some water, the irritation will probably go away by just drinking water.

In the hallway, he passed by Eric who gave him a smile as he disappeared in his own room, presumably to play a game or to watch a movie on his laptop, just Eric things. It felt like there was something in Juyeon’s throat; his chest felt like it was clogged up by some sort of muck and it was starting to annoy him a lot. “If water doesn’t work, I’ll probably have to start taking medicine…” Juyeon muttered to himself. He was too focused on the unknown object stuck in his throat until he bumped into someone.

“Sorry about that, heading to the kitchen?” It was Hyunjae, the one person he secretly hoped to not see for the rest of the day. Something about the fancam Juyeon watched made him see the older in a very different light, and now even the mere sight of Hyunjae made butterflies appear in his stomach. All of a sudden, Hyunjae’s hand was on his forehead. Juyeon’s eyes widened, and the skin on his face immediately felt hot. _Oh shit, oh shit, oh shit!_

"You sure you’re not sick or anything? Jacob hyung said you’ve been zoning out lately, it's our comeback in a couple of weeks so we all must be healthy…” Hyunjae sounded pretty concerned about him, but Juyeon could only look down to his feet. He can’t look at him in the eye, that stupid fancam...

His throat started to feel tighter but he managed to say, “Oh it’s nothing Hyunjae hyung, I’m just gonna get some water from the kitchen.” Juyeon clears his throat and he could feel Hyunjae giving him a look that he cannot decipher as he walks away. It’s merely just a weak cough, right? He could just wash it down with water, Juyeon can’t be sick now—they have a comeback coming soon and he really doesn’t want to be a burden to the group.

The water tap hissed as he filled the glass. The man gulped down the water, trying to soothe the slight pain in his throat. As he drank the cold water, he felt the pain intensify rather than soothing his throat . Juyeon’s eyes widened and he choked on the water, spilling a little on the kitchen counter. Yikes.

“Oh shit, better clean it up before I get scolded...” Juyeon sighed to himself as he grabbed a paper towel and wiped the mess. _God _,__ his voice sounded so scratchy- it felt like it was on fire. He tried to steady his staggered breathing but only coughs were let out from his mouth.

“The fuck?” Juyeon rasped out before another coughing fit started again, he thought of drinking water again but then again, the water made his throat feel like absolute hell. With a scratchy throat, Juyeon sluggishly walked back to his and Younghoon’s room. Younghoon was on his bed watching a movie on his laptop when he looked up to see Juyeon flop on his own bed face first.

“Dude…? You okay?” Juyeon could only grumble in response, he was anything but okay right now. He could feel the other’s gaze on him and it felt like that Younghoon wanted to say something but he kept quiet.

“Are you going to ask me something, or...?” Juyeon flipped over on his bed so he could face the ceiling, the annoying tickling plaguing the back of his throat. Oh, for fucks sake. Younghoon paused the movie on his laptop, leaned back into his pillows and said, “I heard you coughing in the kitchen earlier. Are you sure that you don’t need to take some medicine or anything?”

“No thanks, hyung. I’ll just lay off the sweet food and candy for a little bit, it's just a weak cough.” Juyeon assured Younghoon while the older man resumed watching his movie, leaving Juyeon himself alone with his thoughts. What was with him today? He was feeling okay at first during practice, but then as soon as he got to the dorms, his throat suddenly felt tighter and it was harder to breathe. It got even worse when he started watching that damn Hyunjae fancam. Even the mere thought of it made his mouth dry and throat tighter with whatever is stuck in his esophagus. He got a notification on his phone that Hyunjae was doing a solo Vlive. Juyeon was tempted to watch it but he was exhausted from practice, he hoped his hyung will have fun reading Deobi’s comments and chatting to them.

_And just like that Hyunjae hyung was back on his mind again _.__ By that Juyeon means like 90% of the time, the other member was on his mind. From the small interactions to the variety shows, talk shows, interviews, photoshoot that The Boyz had to do, when there was time to recollect his thoughts during break time, Juyeon could only marvel at how stupidly handsome Hyunjae is. Enough of thinking of his handsome group mate! Get a grip on yourself Lee Juyeon!

Juyeon glanced at Younghoon. He’s glad that Younghoon was so focused on his movie that he didn’t see the pink dusting his cheeks, or else it’d lead to Younghoon thinking that Juyeon’s actually sick and that he couldn’t participate in dance practice tomorrow. Changmin would probably not be happy with that.

After an hour or so, Juyeon can hear the soft click of Younghoon closing his laptop. He opened his phone, the bright light hurting his eyes a bit while the time showed on his phone glowingly, he cursed himself for choosing a bright picture for his lockscreen. 10:23 pm. He bid his hyung a goodnight and shut his eyes, trying to fall asleep.

_Maybe if he got a good night’s rest, that annoying as fuck little coughing problem will go away_ , Juyeon thought to himself. He already had a few members in the group worried about him, the least he could do was get this under control right? Too tired to think anymore, Juyeon felt himself drifting off to sleep.

━━━━━━━

Not even a few hours later, Juyeon was jolted awake by a single cough. It felt like his lungs were on fire and his throat felt like he had just been punched. Juyeon dragged himself out of his bed rubbing his eyes, slipping his phone into his pocket. His limbs felt like they were anchored to the floor as he made his way to the dorm bathroom, the hallways were so quiet aside from the snoring coming from some of the bedrooms. A quick glance at the digital clock they had in the bathroom had the numbers _2:56am_ burning into his retinas; Juyeon tried to blink the sleepiness out of him but gave up.

Juyeon looked at himself in the mirror, his hair was even more disheveled than before. There were already bags starting to form on his face, and Juyeon could already hear the make-up artists scolding him while applying a god awful amount of foundation on his face.

“I’m so sick of this thing stuck in my throat,” Juyeon grumbled to himself as he rummaged in the cabinet above the sink. “There was some medicine in here somewhere, unless someone threw it out because it was expired…” There was a bit of rustling until Juyeon found some Tylenol. He cheered quietly in triumph as the expiration date on the back of the box was next year.

Thank god that everyone was asleep besides him, so he could have times to recollect his thoughts about _him _.__ Yes, the man Juyeon currently losing his mind over: Hyunjae. _Lee fucking Jaehyun_. There must be a reason why Juyeon couldn’t keep his composure over something so small, like the other’s hand feeling his forehead or the No Air fancam in the rain; it’s normal for the whole group to check out their own fancams to monitor their own dancing and to look out for mistakes they might make. Juyeon’s done it before with his own fancams, so how did one fancam of his fellow idol reduce him to a blushing mess? And for some damn reason, he’s always on Juyeon’s mind.

Juyeon whipped out his phone and searched up on Naver, _is it normal to think about your friend all the time??? _T__ he first few results took him to websites that had words like _ _‘Am I in love with my friend?’__ and _ _‘Signs that you’ve fallen in love with your best friend!’__ Juyeon’s heartbeat started to pick up some speed that could rival a sports car as he quickly looked through each website. There’s no way he could have a crush on Hyunjae hyung, homosexuality is frowned upon in South Korea and in the idol industry. It could hurt the reputation of The Boyz, and the rest of the group would hate him for that. Juyeon really didn’t want that to happen, he couldn’t stomach the feeling of the others hating him. Hyunjae hyung would probably be the one who would hate him the most, the very thought of it making Juyeon’s heart ache.

He slid down to the bathroom floor, clutching his throat. The pain was starting to get even worse, something was rising in his throat. Juyeon rushed to the toilet bowl, clutching his stomach. He barely made it to the toilet bowl when chunks started to spew out of his mouth, it felt like his lungs were ripping apart and his stomach was emptying. Even if he just regurgitated, Juyeon was glad to get that out of his system and that he could breathe properly again, though his throat still felt a little bit parched.

He peered into the toilet bowl. It was a mosaic of green and brown, or whatever he ate for dinner. The very sight of it nearly made him puke again. The stench was _putrid_ , almost making him puke again so he was quick to flush it before he saw something pink floating around in the vomit. Juyeon was too exhausted to process what that was, it was 3 in the morning for crying out loud, so he flushed the toilet. The loud sounds bouncing off the walls and tiles of the bathroom. Just as he was leaving the bathroom, he bent over in pain as _another_ coughing fit started. He attempts to muffle his coughs but each breath he takes his throat feels sour and bare. Juyeon felt like he couldn’t even speak at all.

After a couple of coughs and Juyeon’s throat cursing him for whatever he brought upon himself, something fell out of his mouth. It was too dark in the hallway to inspect it so Juyeon paid no mind and shoved it into his pocket. He wandered back into his bedroom and looked over to Younghoon, who was in a deep sleep. Juyeon slipped back into the blankets of his bed and tried to sleep again, trying to ignore the throbbing pain in his lungs and throat. Good, at least no one knows he vomited in the bathroom, no point in making his hyungs worry more.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i wrote this fic on impulse jkfwjk i might continue it


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> fkjhfe back it at it again with another chapter

The sound of Eric’s god awful alarm (he should really change it, it sounds like a police siren!) and shocks Juyeon awake as if ice cold water was dumped on his body. Out of the corner of his eye, Younghoon was already doing his morning routine when he noticed Juyeon sitting up in his bed.

“Morning Juyeon! Dude, you look like shit…” Younghoon snickered at Juyeon’s face. He glared at his hyung while opening the camera on his phone. Turns out the older was right, he really did look like shit. Juyeon’s eyes looked sullen and dead, there were eyebags starting to appear on his face, while his cheekbones were slightly sunken in. He rolled his eyes at Younghoon, who was laughing while pointing at his face. “Shut up! Who’s in the shower right now?” 

“Last time I checked, it was Chanhee…” replied his fellow groupmate as he was walking out of the room, “If you’re ready in about 5 to 10 minutes, you could probably hop in the shower after him.” 

With that, the door closed with a click. Juyeon was left alone in the dim bedroom, and he checked the time. The analog clock they have on the wall showed 6:31 am. With his coughing fit waking him up late last night, or rather, a few hours ago, that means Juyeon only got a solid two to three hours of sleep. It’s fine, he can just sleep in the van on the way to the company building.

Juyeon got up, casting one longing look to his bed and started to pack his backpack with essentials, especially a spare power bank. You never know when someone’s phone suddenly goes flat. He was about to take off his sweatpants when he noticed something was in the pocket. “Huh? What’s this?” Juyeon asked himself, it must’ve been last night from when he was vomiting. The object felt soft to the touch but a little dried out. As he got a closer look of it, it was a pink flower petal. It would have been pretty if it wasn’t as dried up like a prune. 

“There’s no way I could be vomiting flowers, no fucking way....” Juyeon scoffed in disbelief, his hands feeling the petal with his fingers. He didn’t know whether to feel disgusted or intrigued by the dainty petal. Sure, Juyeon has been restricting himself to certain foods as of late, due to the upcoming comeback (he must keep in shape!) but none of those crusty salads had pink flowers as an ingredient. Besides, wouldn’t the salad taste like cheap perfume if it had petals in it? Juyeon shoved the petal back into his pocket, he’ll find a way to discard it later.

But for now, practice. Deobis are counting on him to make an already brilliant comeback even better. They love him, he cannot let them down. Plus, Hyunjae had been helping him perfect a certain move he had been struggling with. He didn’t want to let all those extra hours go to waste, let alone Hyunjae being disappointed in him. The mysterious petals could wait until later, when he actually has time to think about it.

“Juyeon! Shower’s free!” Chanhee’s voice called from the hallway, Juyeon was brought back to reality away from his thoughts. He really needs to pay attention to his actions now, what if this happens on camera or live television?

━━━━━━━

  
“1, 2, 3… Eric, please do that move with more power.” says the dance instructor. The fluorescent ceiling lights of the practice room contrast with the stuffy air created by the sweaty idol members. To the outside eye, it may seem that Juyeon has the entire choreo all memorized but he needs to get this one move perfect. The music abruptly stops and the instructor sighs, “Juyeon, I see you’re still having trouble with that spin. Try again while I’m watching you.” 

While the instructor was demonstrating the move, a sudden persistent tickle appeared inside Juyeon’s throat. Not this shit again, not now! He tries his best to ignore it as he does the spin again, remembering what Hyunjae told him. Just bend your legs before you jump and keep focused, Juyeon. You can do it!

As Juyeon bends his legs, preparing at a second attempt at the spin, the burning pain erupts in his chest and deep in his lungs again. He feels like all of the air has escaped his lungs, gasping as the pain spreads to his throat. 

Juyeon starts coughing instantly, almost falling to his knees from the overwhelming pain of the petals blooming in his lungs. As each cough escaped his mouth, the more petals filled his throat. Juyeon was tempted to claw at his throat and let out all of the bloody petals but then again, he was in the practice room with several of his members staring in concern and horror.

“I don’t think Juyeon should continue on dancing...” Chanhee says the words that are probably going through all members' minds at the moment. Juyeon’s eyes widened, there was no way he should sit out. Every minute and second of practice counts and this infuriating cough is ruining everything for him. Juyeon tries to get a word into the conversation the members are having with the dance instructor, but the second a word forms a petal is threatening to cough out of his mouth. The only thing he could do now is force them down his throat, inflicting more pain, making him wince.

“Alright Juyeon, I agree with the rest of The Boyz. You can sit out for this dance practice, there’s always tomorrow.” The instructor’s words felt like ice. Juyeon nodded numbly as he briskly walked outside before he was stopped by Sangyeon who gave him a pat on the shoulder and told him to go rest. Behind Sangyeon, he could see Hyunjae approaching them with a worried look on his face. Dread seeps into Juyeon as he really doesn’t want to talk to Hyunjae after his… revelation about his feelings the night before.

Right on cue as Hyunjae was about to say something to Juyeon, a petal rose up his throat and into his mouth. It tasted like perfume and the metallic tang of blood, it made his eyes water. Juyeon held one finger as he rushed outside of the door, leaving behind a bewildered Hyunjae and Sangyeon.

The air of the company hallways felt cool as Juyeon breathed in and out, trying to calm himself. That was a _very_ close call, how was Juyeon going to explain to his leader that there’s probably a flower or two growing inside his lungs and he doesn’t know what the fuck he should do. The dainty light pink petal slips out of his mouth, it was actually a pink camellia petal according to Naver; when he searched it up on the van this morning out of curiosity. If Juyeon coughed out even more petals, in a week's time perhaps, he could probably make a bloodstained but oddly beautiful flower. 

Well, if he doesn’t find a cure to this problem. 

Just as his fingers were playing with the soft petal, Juyeon was lost in his thoughts all alone as the music lightly pounded the walls around him. The door to the practice room suddenly bursts open, with Hyunjae in all of his sweaty glory looking for him. Juyeon pushed down all his thoughts about how sweat trickled down the older’s forehead or how flushed his cheeks looked. The petals in his chest needed more attention than Lee Jaehyun’s looks.

Luckily, he shoved the petal deep in his pants pocket as the other walked towards him. At the sight of the other, Juyeon musters up another cough, forcing the petal down his throat. The crumpled up petals scratching the insides of his throat felt like a sharp needle scratching his skin.

“Are you okay Juyeon?” Hyunjae’s voice sounded very concerned, “Do you want me to get you anything?” Juyeon shook his head, he thought of saying something but at the cost of coughing pink camellias out of his lungs in front of Hyunjae? He really didn’t want to risk it as his hyung and the rest of the group are already worried enough. There’s no need to add ‘coughing up bloody flower petals’ to the pile. Even with every method Juyeon tried, these pink camellias stuck in his lungs such as vomiting them out or forcing them back down his throat, they still cling to the sides of his throat like leeches. 

Juyeon knew if he held onto the clogged flowers in his system, he would choke and cough it all over the white floor of the hallway. It would stain it with hues of pink and red, making it look like a piece of horrible modern art. More people than just Hyunjae would know of his affliction, though it would be much preferable if only Juyeon himself knew. 

“Thanks Hyunjae hyung, but I think I’m fine, it’s just a small cough… You should go back to the others.” Juyeon weakly said as he started to head into the direction of the bathroom down the hall. He can cough the flowers out into the toilet and flush it quickly with no one knowing, it was a fool-proof plan.

“Juyeon, please.” Hyunjae’s hand grabbed his forearm. Pink dusted Juyeon’s cheeks, it was almost reminiscent of the pink camellia currently growing in his lungs. “Let us… let me help you. You fell to your knees because of this ‘small cough.’”

The worry and concern in his hyung’s voice only added more cracks to Juyeon’s already fragile heart. “Just go back, hyung. I don’t need your help at all.” Juyeon spat. The words were already out of his mouth before he could think about it. Hyunjae flinched as if he was burned, he let go of Juyeon’s arm.

“I’ll just go...” Hyunjae muttered as he opened the door to the practice room, the creaking of the door echoing in the hallway. 

“Hyung wait-” Juyeon tried to say but he was interrupted by the sound of the door shutting in his face. Juyeon stood there for a moment before letting out a cry of anger, punching the wall. 

After letting it out at the wall, Juyeon slid down and sat. Thoughts were swirling around his brain like a hurricane, there was too much to think about. He whispered to himself, “Why...why did I say that-” and was interrupted by another pink camellia petal. Juyeon crumpled it in his hand, his sore knuckles turning white as his coughs filled the empty hallway, with the muffled sounds of music from the practice rooms. Frustrated tears threatened to run down his face but he blinked them away, there’s no need to add another reason for another member of the group to check on him.

But really, Juyeon couldn’t help it. Hot tears started falling down his cheeks before he knew it, and it only made him feel more furious. Juyeon angrily rubbed at his face to stop the tears from falling but that did nothing to help. The tears were mixed with fury at himself for saying those words and sadness from seeing the hurt on Hyunjae’s face. Juyeon could feel a vein burst in his neck every time he repeated the words he said to his hyung. Juyeon’s eyes scrutinized the pink petals with fury as he ditched them in the trash can. 

Juyeon’s footsteps echoed in the hallway as he stormed off. Maybe he should head back to the dorms to have some peace and quiet or find an empty room in the building to wallow in his sorrow and anger. If only he knew that there was someone standing a couple of yards behind him, watching his internal struggle with his emotions.

Sunwoo stared as Juyeon was walking away. He knew something was up when Hyunjae burst into the practice room, slightly ticked off, but he wasn’t expecting to find Juyeon softly crying to himself on the floor. He faintly heard Sangyeon calling his name as he closed the door shut, his dance moves can wait… someone in the group is unwell! How could the rest of them keep practicing when Juyeon is out here coughing as if it was his last breath? 

Sunwoo really didn’t want to make himself known but during that moment it seemed that Juyeon wanted to have a moment to himself so he stayed silent. Sunwoo really wanted to approach him but he was really conflicted as Juyeon was really vulnerable at the moment. He really couldn't remember the last time he saw Juyeon cry or punch the wall in anger like that. By the time he made up his mind, the older man had already got up and stormed out of the area. 

Though, he could have sworn that he saw a flash of pink coming from the elder's hand and there was only way to find out. Sunwoo approached the trash can cautiously, looking around to make sure that no one was watching (because really, an idol digging through the trash wouldn’t make a good headline for the articles). He took a deep breath and stuck his hand in the trash can, almost pulling back in disgust when he felt a banana peel. 

“Just a little more…” Sunwoo whispered to himself until his fingers brushed against something soft and fragile amidst all of the rubbish. Pulling his hand up and out, it turned out to be a flower petal, a pink camellia’s flower petal to be more precise. Sunwoo examined the petal a little more closely, there were specks of dried blood on it. “What the actual fuck… blood?” Sunwoo was startled as he nearly dropped the petal back in the bin, he was not expecting to find blood on such a pretty flower petal . Sunwoo was about to place the petal in his jacket pocket when he heard the practice door open. The sound of their newest title track bounced off the walls before whoever opened it shut it with a click. 

“Hey Sunwoo, what’s that?” It was Younghoon. Shit, what does he say? ‘Oh yeah hyung, I was digging through this smelly ass trash can just to find a bloodstained petal. Juyeon was also sobbing his heart out and he went back to the dorms or something, presumably to cool off…’ Yeah no, that was a little too straightforward… 

“Uh, what do you mean?” Sunwoo hid the petal behind his back, if he keeps this act up the other will not expect a thing and drop the subject. 

“The thing in your hand. It kind of smells bad...” Younghoon says pointedly while folding his arms. Shit, he’s not buying it at all… Kim Sunwoo say something believable quickly!

“It’s...it’s my ring. It fell off my finger and into the trash can.” Sunwoo let out and showed the ring. He could see the gears turning in Younghoon’s head as his eyes scanned the piece of jewellery. A trickle of sweat ran down Sunwoo’s forehead, if he doesn’t believe this… there is no way he can explain the bloody petals in the trash. It’s not everyday you find bloody petals in the trash can, inside the hallway of a small entertainment company.

“Ah that makes sense, you would really lose your mind if one of your rings went missing, huh?” Younghoon chuckled as he patted Sunwoo’s shoulder and he opened the door to the practice room. Sunwoo let out a sigh of relief (mentally) as his hyung believed his little white lie. He should totally be a main lead in a drama for this!

Behind the broad shoulders of Younghoon, Sunwoo could see some of the other members practice hard with Changmin at the front directing them while giving pointers while the remainder of them were resting or trying to brush up on the choreography. It felt strange without Juyeon in the room, dancing to the best of his ability with them. Sunwoo prayed that Juyeon was okay and not coughing himself to death wherever he is right now.

Before Sunwoo entered the practice room, he turned to Younghoon, “Hyung?” 

“Yes?” Younghoon shot him a look of curiosity.

“I hope Juyeon hyung is okay, I’m really worried about him after what happened today…” Sunwoo said, getting worried as his mind flashes back to several minutes ago when he saw Juyeon softly sob to himself while wiping his tears away with his hand. It really made Sunwoo himself want to cry at the scene and he cursed at himself for not comforting him fast enough.

“Yeah me too, I’ll check up on him later. I’m his roommate anyway…” Younghoon reassured Sunwoo who gave him a grin and jogged back to join the others. Juyeon… are you really okay? Younghoon thought as his eyes were drawn to a droplet of blood on the inside of the trashcan. There was no way Juyeon could possibly be bleeding from a measly cough or could it be more than that…?

“Younghoon? You coming?” Sunwoo’s voice brought him out of his thoughts. He nodded and walked in shooting Hyunjae a glance. The brunette was practicing by himself in the corner going over the choreography by himself with a clouded expression on his face, something was clearly troubling him. 

It was clearly something more other than the coughing.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> comments are greatly appreciated!! i hope y'all liked this one! also slow updates i have a lot going on in my life rn oops


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> guess who's back from the dead lol

There still was a lingering feeling of worry in Younghoon’s stomach as he walked to the bedroom he shared with Juyeon. He could hear the shuffling and idle chatter from the living room, and the clitter clatter of the plates in the kitchen. Probably Kevin made food again with the help of Jacob, though he did hear Eric and Sunwoo in there. He’s going to have to check his food later on for eggshells again, he would like to keep his mouth intact. 

Younghoon slowly opened the door, and revealed Juyeon lying on his bed in a fetal position with his hair all disheveled and his eyes bloodshot. The younger didn’t even notice Younghoon entering the room, lightly sniffling as he coughed into his palm. 

“Juyeon…?” At the sound of his name, Juyeon turned to see Younghoon holding a bottle of honey. Too tired to speak, he gestured for the older to join him on his bed. “Are you hungry? I think we ended up ordering take out since the idea of having a home cooked meal ended up being a flop…” told Younghoon while Juyeon let out a small snigger. Juyeon is currently feeling terribly sick, the least Younghoon could do is make him feel comforted and happy. 

“I’m not really hungry, the petal- the coughing ruined my appetite…” Juyeon said while playing with the hem of his sweatpants. Petals? Younghoon raised his eyebrow at that but he decided to not comment on it. First priority was to make Juyeon feel a little better, it’s not like you can take away his pain with a fingersnap right?

“Which is why I got you a bottle of honey! Honey soothes a sore throat, trust me on this…” Younghoon handed the golden bottle to Juyeon who opened it and started to chug the bottle, “Or you can just eat it like that and not make tea or anything, alright then.” 

While he watched the other drink honey as if it was a refreshing glass of water, Younghoon sighed internally at Juyeon. He’s so worried about him as well as the other members who wouldn’t be after seeing someone fall to the floor coughing painfully. Younghoon already suspected something was going on before, a bigger problem than a simple cold. But then Juyeon said something about pebbles…? Kettles? No, petals. Flower petals to be more exact. What could Juyeon possibly mean by that?

Sunwoo found something in the trash that was definitely not his ring. Sunwoo treats his accessories with extra precaution, so it wasn’t possible that was what he found in the trash. Of course, Younghoon didn’t really buy it at all, he knows what’s good acting and what’s horrible acting after all. Younghoon glanced at Juyeon, his eyes were downcast as he was already halfway with the honey (seriously how could someone down a bottle of  _ honey? _ ). He considered the idea of confronting Juyeon about his little slip up but is unsure if the other one would open up to him at all. 

Younghoon opened his mouth, about to say something when he hears Haknyeon yell “TAKE OUT’S HERE!” from the living room. The decision was already set in stone for him, the confrontation can wait after he has something to eat. Though, he’ll keep an eye on Juyeon during dinner and make sure he eats. A full stomach equals a full recovery after all, he’ll wait a bit and then finally ask Juyeon.

━━━━━━━

Dinner was odd to say the least. Well in Younghoon’s eyes, true to his own word he kept a watchful eye on Juyeon as the other kept picking at his food and didn’t really contribute to the conversation at all. Short answers if there was a question directed at him, or a subtle nod or shake of the head, it was almost as if Juyeon was in his own world. At some points during dinner, Juyeon would just frown at his plate. Younghoon could only imagine what’s going on in his dongsaeng’s head.

“Younghoon, why do you look like you’re burning holes into Juyeon’s face?” Jacob inquired from beside him. His hyung was looking at him weirdly as he ate the last of the chicken on his plate. 

“It’s nothing… I’m just worried about him that’s all…” Younghoon trailed off as his eyes glanced towards Hyunjae staring at Juyeon with a forlorn expression. Even from an outsider’s perspective, one could really see how hurt Hyunjae was. Younghoon could see it clearly, and he’s betting that Jacob could see it too. Hyunjae cared about Juyeon more than just a dongsaeng, there was probably a plethora of feelings and whatnot to unravel though Younghoon couldn’t be the judge of that… He knew in his heart it was the same way he stared at Chanhee. 

As the others are cleaning and washing the dishes after dinner, Younghoon could see Juyeon silently slip into their shared bedroom. He narrowed his eyes. He needed answers and he needed them now. He took off in the direction that Juyeon went, noticing the lingering gaze of Hyunjae. He hoped that neither Jacob or Sangyeon followed him. Younghoon is thoroughly convinced that something happened between the two. “Juyeon?” he tried to soften his voice as the younger sat numbly on the edge of his bed. It filled him with pity as the problem was probably much more than being sick.

“Is there something you want to ask me hyung?”

Younghoon wasn’t expecting Juyeon to sound so fragile and weak, it almost made him reconsider his choice of asking what happened. He sighed and sat next to his fellow group member, trying to find the right words to ask Juyeon.

“Did something happen between you and Hyunjae?” Juyeon froze, his shoulders were rigid as he pondered on how to answer. The memory of Hyunjae’s hurt face as he lashed out when the older was just trying to help him. It was inked into his mind like a tattoo.

“I...I don’t even know what I did— He was just trying to help me but I lashed out at him…” There were tears starting to gather in Juyeon’s catlike eyes. Younghoon put one arm around the younger and rubbed circles on his back with the other. “I told him that I d-didn’t need his help. He looked so hurt, Younghoon hyung…”

“Juyeon, it’s not your fault-”

“It is my fault,” Juyeon’s own sobs cut him off before spitting out the rest, “He probably hates me like I’m the dirt beneath his feet… ” Younghoon didn’t say anything, only hugging his fellow bandmate closer as Juyeon’s tears stained his shirt. 

“Look Juyeon, he won’t hate you. You’re sick at the moment, so it’s understandable that you would feel snappy and irritated…” He tried to reassure the weeping man but that only made him cry a little louder. 

“You don’t understand, hyung.” Juyeon sniffed, “I don’t think I could face him anymore at all anyway because I li-” A cough interrupted his rant, and he jerked forwards. In alarm, Younghoon rushed to try and help Juyeon but he was too busy coughing out his lungs. He tried to reach for the trash can, his chest was riddled with coughs. Juyeon shot Younghoon a look asking for help, who quickly pushed the trash can under Juyeon’s face.

Instead of what he ate for breakfast spewing out of his mouth, crumpled up pink petals fell out of his mouth. Younghoon stared at the younger in horror, watching as each defiled petal fell into the trash can. The horrible sounds that Juyeon was making only heightened Younghoon’s worry for him— it was almost as if Juyeon was attempting to spew up all his vital organs.

Oh my GOD, he thought. He didn’t expect flower _petals_ to be the cause of Juyeon’s sickness. He wanted— no, needed, to know more about these petals clogging up his poor dongsaeng’s lungs. But for now, he needs to be a pillar of support to Juyeon. Younghoon gently rubbed circles into Juyeon’s back as he coughed petal after petal. The room smelt like sweet flowers and tangy blood, it was bittersweet. 

“Juyeon… how long has this been going on?” With teary eyes, his dongsaeng scowled at the bin underneath his face. Younghoon shifted from foot to foot at the buzzing silence, worrying at his bottom lip. Should he have asked that question? Damn, he should've waited, but of course he had to go and run his mouth like a dumbass. 

The younger couldn’t look Younghoon in the eyes, hesitating to tell him. “Please, I need to know… this is clearly hurting you,” he gently urged Juyeon. 

“For only two days? I dunno hyung. I lost track of time when I started to... you know.” The younger pointed at his throat, “At first I thought it was just probably the flu or something but-” He was interrupted by a flower petal falling out of his mouth, leaving Younghoon to process the information he was just told.

It was impossible. How could you grow a flower inside your lungs? Like, if you swallowed a watermelon seed, it doesn’t mean that a melon will start growing in your stomach. Though, the sight of the petals said otherwise. In the time since Juyeon had puked everything he had eaten at dinner into the trash, some petals had started to pile up on the bed. 

Younghoon reached over and picked one up. Disgust aside, the petal was soft, dry and stained with blood. It must’ve felt like hell on earth, coughing up dry petals from your throat. “It’s kind of pretty, in a morbid way,” Juyeon dryly chuckled, grabbing the small pile of petals, “I don’t even know what’s happening to me at all, Younghoon hyung.”

“Well… maybe let’s see if Naver has an answer for us.” 

“Genius idea, hyung! I’m an idiot for not thinking of that,” Juyeon facepalmed while Younghoon got out his phone and started searching. There was a definition on Urban dictionary for something called Hanahaki disease, which sounded… very far-fetched by the very sound of it. Didn’t Younghoon read a story about it online somewhere? 

“Hanahaki?” Juyeon was reading over his shoulder, “Isn’t that used in fictional books?” There’s no way his dongsaeng is suffering from a  _ fictional disease _ . It’s not like they’re living in a novel. Younghoon needs to keep reading, and get to the bottom of this.

“Let’s see…” Younghoon has the definition on his phone, angled in a way so Juyeon himself can also see. “The Hanahaki disease is an illness born from unrequited love…? And the only way for it to disappear is if the person in question returns the feeling.”  _ Unrequited love?  _ This just got a tad more complicated.

In the corner of his eye, Juyeon's body seized up; his hands shook, flitting between pulling at his hair and clutching at his elbows, a sequence of 'no's and 'why's falling from his lips like petals. 

“Juyeon-”

“No...no, that can’t be right— I can’t be in love with—” Juyeon was in hysterics. He hid his face in his hands, trying to shield his face from the world. Younghoon felt so bad for the man. He was dealing with the worst type of love there could ever be unrequited. 

“It’s alright, you don’t have to tell me who it is.” Younghoon manages a weak smile in an effort to calm him down, despite feeling horrified at the situation at hand. Juyeon’s eyes harboured pure agony, they were still sore and red from a couple minutes earlier. Younghoon really didn’t want to say something that would make the younger one cry again. How does one even tackle a subject like this?

“Hyunjae hyung!” Juyeon blurts out before continuing to sob in his hands. Younghoon rubs comforting circles on Juyeon’s back, deep in thought. Hyunjae, huh? Having a crush on your bandmate must feel great and horrible at the same time— you spend all of your time with them performing, practicing and living together in the same dorm. You are so close, but yet so far from them. He couldn’t imagine how Juyeon might be feeling right now, emotional pain now piling on top of the flowers growing in his chest.

“So what’s the plan? How are we going to go about this…?” Younghoon trailed off. Along with Juyeon, he really does feel lost right now. A fictional disease turning out to be not-so-fictional at all.... Scientists and doctors are going to have a field day with this case.

“I...I just— My mind is all over the place! With these stupid fucking flowers, my feelings for  _ him _ and my idol career— how am I supposed to even think hyung?!” Juyeon exclaimed, startling Younghoon.

“I’m losing my mind, I just can’t… deal with all of this. I’m so sorry that you got forced into this, Younghoon hyung.” Something in Younghoon snapped as those words got out of Juyeon’s mouth. He grabbed Juyeon’s shoulders, making him face Younghoon.

“Juyeon, this is no way your fault!” A stray tear ran down Younghoon’s face. He tried to hold them the entire time, trying to look strong for Juyeon. “Never apologise for something that you have no control over.”

“Alright hyung… I promise.” 

━━━━━━━

Juyeon was slumped against the pillows, his throat and voice still sore from earlier. Younghoon was still on his bed, a comforting presence after the revelation. He couldn’t thank the older enough for what he has done for him.

Younghoon seemed to still be in deep thought. Honestly, Juyeon couldn’t blame him. How does one react to their bandmate puking flowers because of a ‘fictional’ trope that’s on Urban Dictionary? Everything about this situation just felt so  _ fabricated _ .

“Did you manage to find the cure for hanahaki?” Juyeon’s hoarse voice startled Younghoon. After dealing with the entire revelation that is the truth of Juyeon’s sudden sickness, his hyung looked even more tired. Juyeon wanted to say that he was sorry again, but the apology died in his throat. Along with the bloodstained petals floating around in his lungs. 

“I did find two solutions.” Juyeon perked up. Could this be easily solved? He can just use one of the two solutions, and these flowers will go away! Nothing to remind him about his feelings about Hyunjae, no more chest pain. Vomiting flowers will become a thing in the past and everything can go back to normal.

“One of them is to surgically remove the roots in the lungs, but at the cost to never feel love again.” The sound of that made Juyeon uneasy. Removing the flower roots from his lungs but to never love Hyunjae again? Oh dear...

Flashes of his hyung’s perfect face fill Juyeon’s mind. How he would laugh loudly in joy or at something funny. How he seems to always look flawless with and without makeup, despite what the other may say. Would Juyeon really want to give up one of his strongest, uncontrollable emotions for some flowers?

“The second one is to go confess to the one you love, and hope they love you back-”  _ Confess?! _ Juyeon cut off Younghoon’s explanation with a cry.

“Yeah that one is out of the question. Nope. No way in hell I’m confessing to him at all!”

“Shouldn’t you at least consider it? I know you wouldn’t want to do the surgery but… this is a matter of life and death!” His hyung’s eyes were full of anguish, Juyeon didn’t want to imagine what they would look like, or how the rest of the group would look like, if he was at death’s door. The image of him in a hospital bed with tubes connected to his body haunted Juyeon’s mind. Eric sobbing in Sunwoo’s arms as he mourned the loss of his hyung, Sangyeon’s face stained with tears— Juyeon tried to stop his mind as he mulled over the outcomes of him dying. There’s no need to start the waterworks again.

“Shit, I don’t know about hyung…” Juyeon ran his hands through hair. There was just so much to consider. The surgery seems the easy way out of all of this mess but again, does he really want to lose the feeling of love? He tried to imagine a world without love, but some things could come to mind. It felt dark void filled with nothing, it felt like a black and white film. It felt like a puzzle but there was that one piece you could never find. The feeling of you know something is missing but finding it is a lost cause because it’s lost forever.

The option of confessing his love to Hyunjae can save him the financial side of hospital bills and the rest of the group, save for Younghoon, finding out. He could almost picture Hyunjae’s face scrunching up in disgust when Juyeon finally comes clean about his feelings. The flowers bloom painfully in his lungs as he ponders on the two options. 

“How about let’s just sleep on it for now, and see if we have a plan for this later in the week okay?” It was almost as if Younghoon could sense how lost and tired he felt. Juyeon nodded and started to make his way to the bathroom before he was stopped by the older man.

“Look Juyeon— You better not die to some flowers, you hear me?” There was a burning determination in his hyung’s voice which made Juyeon smile genuinely for the first time ever since the petals started to litter his throat and lungs. 

He felt a petal tickle the sides of his throat but he ignored it, “I wouldn’t dream of it Younghoon hyung.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this took forever for me to write, now that im on school break i can start writing more! sorry again for the long ass wait


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i am HERE with a new chapter would you look at that

After Juyeon’s ‘little’ flower problem was revealed, the two roommates decided to have another brainstorming and research session the following day. With a few more Naver searches, they find out that the pink petals were actually pink camellias. A lovely looking flower, but not so lovely as it was the grotesque visualization of Juyeon’s infatuation for Hyunjae.

Younghoon proposed the idea of pressing the coughed up petals into a spare book that was lying around in their shared room. The novel,  _ Blossoming Melodies _ , was about a soft spoken botanist falling for a travelling musician the minute he steps into a flower shop. Quite a sweet story, ironic that they’re pressing flowers into a book starring a botanist. 

“Sure it may look disgusting for now, but at least no one will suspect a thing if they look too deeply into the bin. Trust me on this Juyeon.” Younghoon reassured Juyeon, pressing his weight onto the pages of the book. He felt a little grossed out at the petals staining the pages pink and red.

One by one, Juyeon and Younghoon pressed and held petals into the book while throwing away the larger petals. By the time they finished, it was almost as if there wasn’t any trace of the petals— aside from the smell of sweet flowers and metallic blood. 

“Not going to lie, the stained petals do kind of look pretty…” Younghoon said absent-mindedly, “If we disregard the fact that they came out of your lungs.” Juyeon let out a snicker at his own expense but then again, he’s in pain from the flowers.

“Well, I think we did a good job hiding it!” Juyeon did a little whoop of joy before placing the book in a drawer next to his bed. It was only him and Younghoon in the room, so he wouldn’t have to worry about anyone else in the group finding dried blood stained petals in a book.

“So uh… wanna join the others in the living room?” 

“Alright, let me just get my phone...” Younghoon and Juyeon walked out of the room, not noticing the figure hovering near the doorway. Jacob stood there, eyebrows furrowed in confusion. He knew something was up with Juyeon, from how Younghoon couldn’t stop glancing at him during dinner and how Hyunjae was so tense that he barely ate. It was daunting to see Juyeon fall to his knees at practice. Whatever Juyeon is going through, Jacob’s glad that he’s got Younghoon as a support system.

Though, he couldn’t help but feel a little bit curious about what was going on.

━━━━━━━

In Juyeon’s eyes, the rest of the week seemed normal— though he can’t deny the tension between him and Hyunjae. Ever since what happened in the company corridor, Juyeon felt like he should walk on eggshells around the older man. It's as if he spoke one word to Hyunjae, petals will start spewing out of his mouth. He really didn’t want to have another outburst, further damaging the relationship he had with Hyunjae. That’s the last thing Juyeon wants to happen. 

“Did you like… have a fight with Hyunjae hyung?” Juyeon raised an eyebrow at Eric’s question. Juyeon was getting his hair and makeup done by the stylists while Eric was just sitting around playing a game on his phone. 

The Boyz had a photoshoot for a magazine scheduled today, to give a little hype to their upcoming album. There wasn’t a set theme for the photoshoot—but apparently it was an all natural theme according to the makeup artist applying bits of foundation on his face. 

“No, why would you ask that?” It was merely Juyeon snapping at Hyunjae, not actually fighting the older. 

Eric looked down, it was like his shoes were suddenly more interesting than the conversation at hand. Juyeon sighed at the younger member who probably had a million questions. He bit his lip, trying to find the right words to say to Eric. If he told him about the petals, within two days— the whole group will know. 

“I don’t know, you guys seem a little stiff around each other…” Eric trailed off as the stylist put the last finishing touches on Juyeon’s slicked back hair. The sounds of the hair dryer and the chatter from the other members outside of the waiting room filling up the empty silence between Eric and Juyeon. 

“Uh…” Juyeon responded intelligently—he shot a glance at Younghoon, who was also getting his makeup done. His hyung could only give him an awkward look, knowing what truly happened between Hyunjae and Juyeon. 

“I guess you can say that…” Juyeon mumbled as the stylist’s slender and precise fingers applied a soft hue of pink on his lips— reminiscent of the pink camellias thriving in his lungs. Was Juyeon too focused on this whole hanahaki thing that he was unintentionally creating distance between him and Hyunjae?

The makeup artist was done with his face so he snapped out of his musings and thanked her for her work. “Eric? Oh, good you’re ready, it’s time for your solo shoot.” Juyeon couldn’t thank the stars above, the staff member popped his head in and called for the maknae— saving Juyeon from the barrage of questions that was yet to come. He dodged a massive bullet there.

Eric bid them goodbye and left, leaving Juyeon and Younghoon in the room. He heard Younghoon let out a sigh of relief— and then spoke up with a nervous tone.

“I know we just found out the real reason why you’re sick but… I may have forgotten a little something…” 

“Define ‘little’.” Juyeon sighed, fiddling with the cuffs of his sleeves. This couldn’t not be good, judging how tense Younghoon sounded. 

“Sunwoo might’ve seen some petals in the bin-'' Younghoon exclaimed. Juyeon’s face scrunched up in confusion. There was no way Sunwoo could’ve seen any trace of the Hanahaki **—** as the book was safely in Juyeon’s bedside drawer and he usually pushes down the petals deep into the bin (with a tissue of course). He’s not a barbarian, unlike some people.

Younghoon saw the perplexed look on Juyeon’s face, “It was in the company hallway…” He started to explain what happened while Juyeon screamed internally. He cursed himself for that moment. He didn’t shove the petals down and he left them on top for the rest of the world to see! In Juyeon’s frustration and fury at himself, of course he forgot that he was still in a semi-public building. 

“Yep. We’re kinda fucked.” 

“Yeah we are.” Younghoon agreed and slumped back onto the couch. Juyeon heard the chattering and laughing from outside. Hyunjae’s laugh easily raised over the others, bringing a pleasant smile to Juyeon’s face. It was one of the many things he loved about his hyung. He thought back to all of the times when the group were on radio interviews, vlives or just simply in the dorm. Hyunjae’s twinkling eyes flashed before his mind, it was like pure happiness incarnate— the more he thinks of them, the flowers start to tighten his throat.

Seeing the smile on Juyeon’s face, Younghoon remarks, “You really do love him, huh?” Juyeon nodded and glanced at himself in the mirror. A small smile graced his face, and it looked like that he was lovestruck. Juyeon tried to stop himself from thinking about his handsome hyung, his cute smile and the way his eyes would crinkle up while laughing **—** before he knew it, a petal slipped out of his mouth.

“Shit!” Juyeon cursed as a second petal fell into his palm. The very sight of the pink petal made Juyeon uneasy— he still needed to make a choice. It’s either say goodbye to his remaining dignity and confess to Hyunjae or get an emotion surgically removed. Juyeon really just wanted to lay down and sleep all of this hanahaki off.

A knock sounded at the door. Assuming it was one of the staff, Younghoon noticed the pink petal and quickly helped Juyeon dispose of them discreetly. Just as Juyeon finished shoving the petals down the bin, the door opened to reveal Hyunjae.

Juyeon’s heart rate skidded to a stop as he took in Hyunjae’s outfit and makeup. His hair was perfectly tousled, leaving a little room for his forehead. There were minimal traces of makeup on Hyunjae’s flawless face, making the little freckle on his nose prominent— it seemed like God had favourites and it was in the form of Lee Jaehyun.

The outfit... left no room for imagination in Juyeon’s mind. It was a sleeveless blue and gold top that fit his figure perfectly. Juyeon tried to focus on what Hyunjae was saying— keeping his eyes off the older’s toned biceps flexing as he held the door open. In the corner of his eye, Juyeon could see Younghoon mouthing ‘whipped’. Juyeon glared at his hyung before mouthing back ‘shut up’.

“The director wants us to do a couple of shots of us three, they just finished taking Eric’s and Haknyeon’s pics— Juyeon? Yah, are you paying attention to me?!”

Juyeon stopped spacing out and said, “O-Oh yeah, I’m listening. Sorry Hyunjae hyung.” Hyunjae looked at him with an undecipherable look in his eyes before telling them to get ready in a few minutes and left the room. When Hyunjae finally left, Juyeon let out a loud cry— almost giving Younghoon a heart attack.

“Give me a warning next time, holy shit-” Younghoon clutching at his chest, gasping but was cut off by Juyeon’s rant.

“Just what I needed, a photoshoot right next to  _ him _ . I can’t handle this at all-” Juyeon was  _ this _ close to ripping his perfectly styled hair but he refrained. The wrath of an angry stylist noona isn’t a force that should be reckoned with.

“Juyeon.”

“Like someone wished death on me the moment he walked in looking like that!”

“Juyeon.”

“I’m going to vomit a bouquet the second I step out of this room-”

“JUYEON!” Younghoon exclaimed, effectively shutting up Juyeon. “I get it, you’re having a midlife crisis right now but keep yourself together for now, okay? You can let it all out when we get back to the dorms, I promise.”

Juyeon nodded numbly, wincing at the subtle feeling of petals tickling his throat. He can deal with the petals later but first he needs to survive this photoshoot. “Let’s not keep Hyunjae hyung waiting by himself on the set.” With one last look at the illuminated mirror, Juyeon stepped out of the waiting room with Younghoon in tow.

“Wow you guys look good! The natural look suits you.” It was Jacob, who was leaning on the wall a few steps outside the waiting room. Juyeon exchanged glances with Younghoon, hoping his tirade wasn’t overheard by Jacob. Sunwoo might be already suspicious of what was going on, he didn’t need another member to catch wind of what was happening.

“You’re going to give the top models in the industry a run for their money, Jacob hyung!” Juyeon jokes. The Canadian, like Hyunjae, was in a sleeveless top. If only Kevin was here to see Jacob’s look, he’s really missing out on the way Jacob’s arms look when he stretches. 

“Thanks, now if you excuse us- we have a photoshoot to do.” Younghoon spoke up, pulling Juyeon in the direction of the set. Hyunjae was already there, getting his makeup touched up. 

The two left Jacob to stare at their retreating backs with skepticism in his eyes. “Something is definitely off…” Jacob mused to himself. The door was left ajar—letting him peer into the waiting room. 

There was a bunch of scrunched up tissues left on one of the tables, speckled with hues of pink and red, it piqued Jacob’s interest. He glanced left and right— there wasn’t any staff or the other members around. It was time to do some snooping.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> there you have it, ill be back in like 2 weeks. goodbye i will make my return on the winter solstice 
> 
> jk i'll try and write more!!


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> IM BACK FROM THE DEAD HOLY SHIT

Jacob stepped into the room, closing the door shut with a click. The room was desolate, save for scattered hair styling equipment and bags littered across the floor. There was no one in this room— this is the perfect chance to find some clues.

_ “And that’s a wrap! You did a good job, Jacob-ssi.” thanked the director as Jacob stepped out of the set. He was finished with his solo shoot and thanked the staff for their hard work. _

_ “Ugh, my neck hurts from doing that pose for so long…” groaned Jacob as he massaged his neck, making his way to the waiting room. Oh, how he was so prepared to take the world’s longest nap!  _

_ Jacob was about to twist the doorknob until he heard two panicked voices in the room. He quickly identified them as Juyeon and Younghoon. Huh, that was weird— wasn’t Hyunjae going around trying to look for them? _

_ “-ed death on me the moment he walked in looking like that!” Juyeon sounded like he was in hysterics, it took all the willpower in Jacob not to burst into there and ask what was wrong. At least Younghoon was also in there with him. _

_ “Juyeon.” _

_ “I’m going to vomit a bouquet the second I step out of this room-” _

_ ‘Vomit a bouquet?’ What the hell could Juyeon possibly mean by that? It’s not humanly possible to vomit a bouquet or any sort of plant. (well besides from eating it). Jacob decided to station himself near the door. He feels a little bad for eavesdropping but maybe if he listened, Jacob might find the reason why Younghoon and Juyeon are acting so strange for the past two days. _

_ “JUYEON!” Jacob jumped at Younghoon’s shout, it wasn’t often that the man would yell— not even during their schedules (aside if it was variety…) He listened to the younger calm Juyeon down, telling him that he can let it out as soon as they arrive at the dorm.  _

_ Jacob heard the two walk towards the door. In alarm, he took a few steps away from the door and tried to look casual. The whole conversation putting him in deep thought, now he knows whatever Juyeon is going through is definitely not a normal sickness.  _

Jacob heaved a sigh as his eyes inspected the room, there wasn’t anything catching his eye at the moment. Was it really worth it? Should Jacob really snoop around a waiting room, and might accidentally discover something? The answer is yes.

He poked around the furniture, lifting cushions and slightly moving chairs and what not—finding nothing, except for bits of dust and stray hairs. Jacob kept glancing at the door, hoping that no one would come into the room and see him lift the couch.

“Yeah… maybe this was a bad idea. '' Jacob contemplated to himself while he looked under one of the vanities. Again, he was met with dust and a makeup case. There wasn’t anything particularly out of place in here so Jacob just sat himself on a couch near the bin, feeling defeated. What was the point of looking for anything in the first place?

He scrolled through his phone mindlessly, slightly hoping for one of the other members to open the door. Jacob’s eyes were slowly drooping, the whole group was rushed towards the shooting set in the early morning so he was still slightly drowsy. His eyes wandered towards the bin, where there was an unusual amount of scrunched up tissues shoved deep into it. It seemed like someone was hiding something under those tissues, that someone being either Juyeon or Younghoon.

Intrigued, Jacob shook off the sleepiness and walked towards the bin. Now that he’s got a closer look, Jacob could see that some tissues were stained pink and blood red. Okay sure, it might be from the stylists who need to remove makeup or whatever but they have makeup wipes for that— so this is definitely suspicious.

With one more glance at the door, Jacob took a deep breath and took some of the mysteriously stained tissues out of the bin— he can always wash his hands like 4 times later. 

On top of the trash, was slightly dried out  _ bloodstained _ pink petals. Taken aback, Jacob stared at it with confusion and slight disgust. What…? How did these get here… unless this was the ‘bouquet’ Juyeon was talking about before... 

Jacob was about to poke around at the petals when he heard knocks at the door. “Jacob! It’s our turn for a partnered shoot!” Kevin’s voice called for him through the door.  _ Oh shit, time to quickly clean my hands! _

“Jacob?”

“Yep, just a second-” Jacob responded while applying a god awful amount of hand sanitizer to sterilise his hands. Those petals could’ve come from Juyeon himself, as much as that sounds pretty outlandish— it actually sounds plausible at this point.

Jacob opened the door to see Kevin in a white long sleeved top with a grey sweater vest. The top showed off the other’s slim waist through the sheer white of the top, it was complemented by evergreen cargo pants. His hair was slightly ruffled up, strands of hair falling in front of his eyes. Jacob could feel his cheeks burning a little, definitely from a little embarrassment— what if Kevin walked into him having his hand down the bin?!

“Oh wow, you look easy on the eyes…” Kevin’s eyes scanned his body up and down. Jacob shouldn’t feel self conscious as he was an idol— he should be used to having eyes and camera on him all the time but this was  _ Kevin Moon.  _ There was something about his fellow Canadian that felt different.

“Y-You too!” He hoped that the foundation was thick enough so the other man couldn’t see his pink cheeks. 

“We should get going so the director doesn’t scold us…” Kevin chuckled and started to make his way to the set. Jacob put the image of the scrunched up petals and reddish-pink stained tissues in the back of his mind, when he has the chance— he’ll approach Juyeon about it.

━━━━━━━

“Juyeon-ssi, can you move a little closer to Younghoon please? Yep, just like that…” Juyeon followed the photographer’s instructions and shuffled a little closer to Younghoon. Hyunjae was lying on the floor, posing naturally like he was born for this.

Juyeon tried not to glance at the other gazing deeply into the camera lens, the studio lights were bright enough to showcase the blush creeping up his neck. He could see Younghoon give him yet another knowing look, he almost regrets telling Younghoon who he liked. Almost.

“Hyunjae-ssi? Can you please lay your head in Juyeon’s lap for a couple of shots?” The photographer grabbed the camera and checked the photos— leaving the three idols to change their positions.

_ What the fuck. What the actual fuck. _

Juyeon’s eyes widened as Hyunjae shifted his position closer to him. He could hear Younghoon stifle a laugh from beside him so Juyeon jabbed his side, making his hyung cry out in pain. Serves him right.

Juyeon has a bone to pick with whoever is taking the photos right now but he can’t deliver a glare as Hyunjae lays his head onto Juyeon’s lap. A familiar burning pain tickles at the back of neck, Juyeon prayed that the flowers will come  _ after _ this photoshoot— and he will not puke out fresh camelias on Hyunjae’s face. That is the last thing he wants to do today.

“Why are you so tense? Relax a little, Juyeon-ah.” Hyunjae laughed quietly from his lap, looking up at him with that fond look. Juyeon’s chest suddenly feels twice as tight as before, it’s slowly filling up with flowers. It was like his body was a vase, made to be filled with flowers.

“A-Ah okay…” Juyeon tried to loosen up his muscles, his hand ghosting over the skin on his hyung’s shoulders. Eventually he put an arm around Hyunjae, his hand resting at the other’s firm chest. Look, Juyeon is in a group with 11 other men— he’s bound to see bare chests and torsos in the late nights and early mornings. Hyunjae, along with some of the other members, is definitely more on the built side. Juyeon would always steal a glance or two when Hyunjae walked around the dorm topless, he couldn’t help it.

As the photograph took a couple of shots, Juyeon attempted to ignore the feeling of a petal clogging his throat. He can endure this for a little longer. After this photoshoot is over, he can rush to the bathroom and puke out all the petals.

“Juyeon, are you sure that you’re alright? Your face looks a little funny.” Younghoon whispered to him. Juyeon nearly jumped but then he remembered that  _ Hyunjae  _ was laying down in his lap. 

“Oh yeah… it’s still sore from earlier.” Juyeon muttered back at him, not noticing how Hyunjae looked up curiously from his lap. He can’t help but scratch at his throat a little, the petals are itching his throat in an irritating way.

Younghoon nodded, understanding what Juyeon meant by ‘earlier’ and went back to leaning on Juyeon’s shoulder. With one more picture, the photographer praised them for being professional and of course, for their looks.

“You three are really some of the most handsomest guys I’ve ever seen!” The photographer gushed as he showed the three idols what he had on his camera. While Juyeon couldn’t deny how attractive he and Younghoon looked— his eyes couldn’t stray away from Hyunjae on the screen. 

Hyunjae gave the lens a deep, intense gaze while he comfortably rested his head on Juyeon’s lap. The studio lights shone on him just right—giving him an angelic aura. Juyeon was in awe, how does one look so handsome and pretty at the same time?!

There was a picture that was taken before they were ready. Juyeon was facing Younghoon while he was muttering something to him. Hyunjae was staring up at him from his lap, Juyeon could feel his ears burn a little as he took in the fact that Hyunjae was giving him a look of adoration— he looked so cute and handsome while he looked up, oh my god-

“Oh do I...? Thanks Juyeonie!” Hyunjae said, his voice sounding amused. Juyeon could hear Younghoon laugh behind his hand. Shit, did he really say that outloud? Juyeon could only hope that Hyunjae saw the compliment as friendly, rather than in a romantic sense. It wasn’t like he was shouting to the world that he loved Hyunjae, right?

After Juyeon’s little…moment, the trio checked out the rest of the photos and thanked the photographer for his time. “Whew, we did so well!” cheered Hyunjae as they made their way back to the waiting room—the other two nodded and smiled along with him. All of the pictures turned out really well, he can’t wait to see what the pictures look like!

While Younghoon and Hyunjae talked about what they were going to do when they got back to the dorms, Juyeon couldn’t ignore the tickling feeling in the back of his throat. He  _ needed  _ to get this petal out. His eyes surveyed the area— there were some of the other members in the background getting their pictures taken, some staff monitoring the place and other members getting their makeup touched up. This really wasn’t the ideal place for Juyeon to vomit out petals from his mouth.

He coughed a little, hitting his chest in an effort to stop the clogged feeling. Younghoon side-eyed him, silently asking if he was okay. Juyeon shot Hyunjae a fond glance as he was excitedly talking about if it was a good idea to open a Twitch channel for gaming, and then he shook his head. Juyeon can hold it all in until they get to the dorms anyway. 

“Juyeon, do you think Deobis would watch me play games for an hour or two? Would it be boring?” Hyunjae asked while he wrapped an arm around Juyeon’s shoulder, making the hairs on his neck stand up still. Again, his cheeks flushed a little— call him the flushed emoji that Deobis love to use all the time.

“They wouldn’t be bored,” Juyeon started, clearing his throat a little, “Deobis will watch you sit in front of a camera and talk for an hour on Vlive, of course they’ll watch you game!” Hearing Juyeon’s words made the other smile widely, his eyes crinkling up in that cute, endearing way of his. It made Juyeon’s heart flutter… and the petals in his chest increase.

A violent cough made him shrug out of Hyunjae’s slight embrace. He could taste the sweet perfume from the flowers and the metallic tang from the blood. The clashing tastes made him feel nauseous, his vision started to blur from the blooming agony. Juyeon could feel a petal in his mouth, somehow intact.

“-yeon? Juyeon-ah, are you okay?!” Juyeon stopped dead in his tracks, weak coughs riddling his chest. Hyunjae was holding his shoulders, his face away from his own. His hyung was so damn  _ close _ , a little bit closer and they would ki-

He stopped that thought. How could he think about  _ that _ when Hyunjae is right in front of him, worried about his well being? “Y-Yeah… I’m fine. I just need to go to the bathroom.” Juyeon patted Hyunjae’s shoulder a little awkwardly and nodded to Younghoon. Younghoon nodded back, knowing that there will probably be more flowers in the ‘flower book’ they have back in the dorm.

Juyeon speed walked to the bathroom, coughing here and there. It was so tempting to spit out a petal into his palms but there was staff everywhere. He flung open the toilet stall door and started to puke out the contents of his stomach and chest. A little part of him frowned at the germs he might get for doing this in a public bathroom, but he could always shower a little more thoroughly anyway. 

Petal after petal plopped into the toilet bowl, the flowery sweet scent of the pink camellias meshing in with the vile smell of puke. Juyeon glared daggers into the toilet bowl. Oh, how he loathed those pink petals! Was this the cost of giving his heart to Hyunjae, having a garden growing in his chest?

“There’s nothing much I can do anyway…” He mumbled while he flushed the toilet, his throat feeling scratchy after vomiting. Juyeon turned around and was about to wash his hands— but he was met by the sight of Jacob staring in horror at him. 

“Jacob hyung uh— Fuck, I can explain.” Juyeon doesn’t know if he can explain, but let’s not talk about that. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i hoped this was good ohmygod ill be back in a blue moon bc school started


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> guess who is back again just to disappear for another month yep its me aha

Hyunjae kept tossing and turning around in his bed. He just couldn’t sleep! Haknyeon was dead asleep in the bed across him, so he was truly alone in his midnight crisis.

He couldn’t stop thinking about what happened earlier this week. Something was definitely up with Juyeon with how awkward and strange he acted during this week. The younger was coughing a little too much even though he said he took his cold medicine in the dorm. 

Hyunjae wasn’t blind. After hearing Juyeon’s dry, painful coughs in the photoshoot set earlier, he saw the quick but knowing glance between him and Younghoon. They had to know _something_. Not to mention that small exchange between the two during their trio photoshoot.

_“Juyeon, are you sure that you’re alright? Your face looks a little funny.” Hyunjae had to strain his ears to hear what Younghoon muttered to Juyeon. The perfume the younger had smelled luscious, it was a nice change from the colognes he usually used._

_“Oh yeah… it’s still sore from earlier... ” What did Juyeon mean by earlier? He still can’t be sick from that cold right? Juyeon quickly wrapped up his conversation with Younghoon since the photographer called them to get ready for the camera. It seemed that he didn’t notice Hyunjae listening in, thankfully. Hyunjae quickly pushed the conversation back into his mind and made himself comfortable on Juyeon’s lap_ — _slightly leaning into his touch. He smelled of sweet spring flowers, presumably something the makeup artist noona sprayed on him._

Hyunjae inhaled slowly, the uneasy feeling in his stomach still lingered as he sat up on the bed. He blearily looked around the room, taking note of how the moonlight shone through the curtains. There was a subtle glow illuminating the room, the moonlight was softer on the eyes than the blinding stage lights. It gave the room a tranquil feeling, letting Hyunjae feel at peace (or at war) with his own thoughts.

Call him a little selfish, but if Juyeon was going through something like this— why couldn’t he go to Hyunjae for support? Were they not as close as the other members? Hyunjae couldn’t help but think back to that one dance practice. His heart ached at the way Juyeon pushed him away in the hallway, after Hyunjae ran after him out of the dance practice— his fellow member nearly threw himself to the floor coughing. Of course he would be worried!

Not to mention that Juyeon has been avoiding him for the past few days. Examples include—immediately heading back into his and Younghoon’s shared room when he catches sight of Hyunjae and Younghoon leading him away when Hyunjae got close. Little things like that, they truly stung.

It just frustrated Hyunjae so much that he just couldn’t talk comfortably with Juyeon aside from stiff nods and short answers— he just wanted to be there for Juyeon, is that too much to ask for? Hyunjae turned on his phone to check the time and if he had messages from anyone. 

He had a message from his mum, asking how he had been and if he’s eating well over there in the dorms. Hyunjae already replied to her earlier, telling her that yes, he’s eating well and that schedules had been hectic lately. His mother’s message was sent at 6:31 pm, just before dinner **—** Hyunjae rubbed his eyes to read the time again on the bright screen, the current time being 3:27 am. 

The last time he talked with Juyeon was… about two or three days ago. Hyunjae was asking Juyeon if he wanted some medicine as it was Hyunjae’s turn to buy the group’s groceries. 

_Hyunjae stood in the freezing meat aisle, placing newly acquired bacon into the cart. He took out his phone to look at the grocery list. Eggs, milk, rice, mushrooms, chips, lemonade, bread, fruit… there wasn’t that much on the list, surprisingly. That’s what the group gets for eating out for most of the time._

_An idea popped into his head, wasn’t Juyeon still a little sick? He should probably get some medicine for his fellow member, it’s the least he can do. Hyunjae opened his messages with the younger on his phone._

  
  


You : hey pspsps juyeonnnn

juyeonieee : is there something you need hyung?

You : im out, do you want medicine?

juyeonieee : uhhhhh

juyeonieee : i think im fine, thanks for asking :]

You : oh ok :]

Read at 1:08 pm ✓

  
  


_While staring down at his phone, Hyunjae cringed. Why are their texts so… dry? Before, it was easy just to send him a funny meme or just a simple hello and the conversation can take off from there. It was all so easy before that sickness took over Juyeon, if a cold was a person_ **—** _he would love to give them a punch to the face! Maybe another punch, this time to the gut, for making Juyeon sick…_

_Hyunjae shook off the thoughts of beating up a pathogen as he realised he’s standing like a complete fool in the middle of the aisle. He should probably hurry up a little, this time the members should eat something nutritious rather than go over the food budget!_

_The brunette pushed the shopping cart quickly towards the cash register, not forgetting to throw a bottle of honey into the cart. He quickly paid for the groceries and headed outside. Hyunjae was about to head back into the direction of the dorm before he saw the bright fluorescent lights of the pharmacy right near the grocery._

_Hyunjae was greeted by Sangyeon at the door of the dorm, the others were probably at the company or in their rooms. The leader helped lug the bags while Hyunjae followed him into the kitchen. His hyung was putting things into the fridge while Hyunjae placed stuff into the pantry_ **—** _throwing out expired foods._

_“Medicine? That wasn’t on the list right?” Sangyeon asked as he sniffed a random container, face screwing up in disgust._

_“Well uh_ **—** _I just thought the medicine cabinet in the bathroom could be topped up.” Hyunjae said, placing the bottle of golden honey near the strawberry jam in the pantry. Sangyeon hummed in agreement, the two continuing to tidy up the fridge and pantry in comfortable silence._

That memory came out of nowhere, huh. Hyunjae hoped that Juyeon at least used the honey to make some soothing tea or something **—** the younger’s voice started to get scratchier and hoarse as the days progressed, it worried Hyunjae.

He got rid of any fleeting thoughts in his mind and tried to sleep. Every time he would close his eyes, all he could see was Juyeon, Juyeon, _Juyeon._ His dongsaeng and his fellow group member. The same guy who would look like he would devour you whole as soon as he stepped on stage, but was actually very soft, kind hearted and thoughtful offstage. 

The way the younger delicately held him in his arms, it really shouldn’t make butterflies flutter in his stomach. It made Hyunjae feel a little light-headed, why was he thinking like this?

He let out a tired sigh. It was too late to ponder about thoughts like these, besides… Juyeon is his dear dongsaeng, his best friend and fellow member! It’s just friendship and nothing more than that, Hyunjae just cares about Juyeon _really_ deeply. His eyelids were getting heavier and heavier, before falling into a wistful dream about a man with catlike eyes holding him close.

━━━━━━━

Hyunjae woke up to the sounds of soft footsteps outside his door, some of the other members must be awake. Haknyeon was still dead asleep in the bed across from him, Hyunjae sent a fond look to the younger. He’ll let him sleep, unless another member wakes him up rudely.

So much for using his phone alarm. He appreciates the rest of the members trying to be quiet if one of them is sleeping **—** but living in a dorm with a lot of people makes it hard. He glanced at the clock on the wall, the hands reading 7:03 am before properly sitting up.

He lazily pulls away from the warm embrace of his bed, walking into the hallway. Sangyeon greeted him with an eyesmile, which Hyunjae sent a half-hearted smile of his own. If only he could be as awake as Sangyeon in the morning…

“We’re gonna practice at 9 so get some breakfast, okay?” The leader patted his shoulder and went off to the bathroom. As Hyunjae entered the kitchen, he spotted Juyeon sitting at the dinner table **—** eating a bowl of cereal by himself. His red hair was still messed up from sleeping, strands of hair falling in front of his eyes. It was cute, Hyunjae admitted to himself. God only knows how that man still looks impeccable even in the shittiest of mornings.

Younghoon and Jacob were also awake, the two of them just hanging around in the living room trying to kill time. Again, he saw Younghoon glance at Juyeon with that _same look_ again. It set an indecipherable feeling in Hyunjae’s chest, twisting and turning— it almost made him lose his appetite.

“Morning Juyeon!” Hyunjae greeted the red haired man while he rummaged through the cupboards for anything to eat. Juyeon smiled in response, his mouth full of cereal so he couldn’t formulate any words. Hyunjae grabbed a box of cereal (courtesy of Jacob, that man lives and breathes cereal) and started to make his breakfast. It won’t be as filling, but he can always go out and get a heavier meal later anyway…

Hyunjae plopped down into the set across from the younger and started to shovel cereal into his mouth. The awkward atmosphere was so dense that you could cut it with a knife. 

Hyunjae couldn’t stop glancing at Juyeon, who was scrolling through his phone while eating. Should he say something? Or is Juyeon going to act strangely again and excuse himself? 

He opened his mouth, ready to speak but stopped. Not at him actually hesitating to initiate a conversation between himself and Lee Juyeon of all people… maybe because it was a few days since they’ve actually had a moment like this together perhaps?

“Uh...so Juyeon, how’s your sickness going?” _HOW’S YOUR SICKNESS GOING?!_ Was that really the best conversation starter that he came up with? Curse his mushy morning brain!

“I’m doing alright, just a little cough here and there…” Juyeon said, his voice cracking a little— oblivious to Hyunjae’s internal crisis. 

Hearing the crack in his voice worried Hyunjae a little— he wanted to point it out and remind him to take a tablet but then again, he’ll just get pushed away in the end. As much as it hurts Hyunjae, it looked like Juyeon needed a little space. 

He still wondered why the other man acted weird around him. Juyeon still talked with the other members, joking around and treating them normally. But if it was Hyunjae, he would freeze up and turn the other way, respond with short sentences and act awkwardly. 

Now, Hyunjae knows now isn’t the right time to ask Juyeon—but he hopes the younger at least tells him the truth in the future. Some day.

“Did you finish eating yet, hyung? I’ll put it away for you so you can get ready.” Juyeon stood up, holding his empty bowl and gestured for Hyunjae’s empty one. Hyunjae snapped out of his musings and handed the empty bowl to Juyeon. As the red head walked to the sink, he got a whiff of sweet flowers. While the younger’s back was turned facing the sink, Hyunjae couldn’t help but ponder.

His eyes drifted to Younghoon quietly chatting with Jacob on the couch. What could his hyung know that he didn’t? Hyunjae considered the idea of asking Younghoon, but that’s just him being nosy. Hyunjae’s suspicion rose as the older man tried to sneakily glance at him and looked back at Jacob. 

Not to mention, Juyeon still smells like spring flowers. Hyunjae knows the smell of axe, it was definitely not deodorant— he’s had enough of the younger members spraying too much axe in their pre-debut days with the smell drafting into the entire dorm, making it hard to breathe. Thank god they toned it down to one spray these days.

The scent of sweet flowers just smells so intoxicating, Hyunjae wanted to bask in it all during the photoshoot— what is Hyunjae even talking about? Ever since that midnight confrontation with his thoughts, he just couldn’t think straight at all!

Suddenly a large hand poked his cheek, Juyeon’s cute curious face coming into view. “Hyung? Are you ok?”

“Huh…? Oh, I am— I just zoned out for a little bit.” Hyunjae could feel the tips of his ears burning, how embarrassing! He hoped that Juyeon wouldn't take note of it while rubbing the area that Juyeon poked— it felt like his touch was tattooed into his skin.

“Alright if you say so, just make sure to get ready for practice later!” The younger’s face lit up into that adorable eye smile of his and rubbed Hyunjae’s shoulder gently, making the older slightly lean into his touch before he froze. God, what is with him today?!

“O-Of course!” His eyes lingered on the younger as Juyeon walked off, probably in the direction of his and Younghoon’s room. Hyunjae looked over into the living room, he was too into whatever was happening between him and Juyeon to notice Jacob and Younghoon leaving.

Hyunjae shook his head. He really shouldn’t dwell on… everything, there’s no time for fleeting thoughts when you’re an idol. With one last exhale, he took off into the direction of his shared room with Haknyeon— ignoring the way his heart was hammering against his chest.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> god, i've been wanting to write a hyunjae pov as this story progressed!! i hope you liked this chapter (though i will always feel a little bad for my horrible update 'schedule')


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